Sometimes you feel so overwhelmed, and every aspect of your life just becomes messier by the minute. It’s like a Rubik’s Cube and no matter what move you make, the colours don’t line up. You keep praying and wishing for the best; for your cube to match the supposed end result, but it doesn’t. You start to doubt yourself. Your ability to make anything work. And when you can’t, you put the cube down and focus on something else, anything else.
People say that when you do that, when you don’t deal with the problem at hand and keep things bottled up that one day you would explode. Thing is I didn’t. I didn’t explode. Instead, I kept finding more space to store things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not encouraging anything here. I’m just saying, old habits die hard when you’ve never faced the cruelest of reprecussions.
It’s easy to mask your pain and confusion when people rarely ask what’s wrong. When all it takes is a fake smile, and one sentence to change the conversation. It’s easy to fill your mind with other people’s problems and stories just so you can momentarily escape yours. It’s easy to make yourself happy just so others don’t have to deal with you, not because they said they didn’t want to help you, but because you have decided already that you were a lost cause.
It’s easy…but it shouldn’t be.
So if you are battling with that Rubik’s Cube, do not put it down. Do not pelt it across the room. Persist. Fight. And if none of that works, DO NOT consider yourself a failure. Ask for help. YOU ARE NOT WEAK if you do so. Take a deep breath, not to simply fight the tears, but to search your mind for whatever little serenity you can find. Hold on to that serenity. That hope that every single day loses its credibility. Do not stop fighting. You are not alone. There are thousands of people just like you plucking at that last straw. It’s OK to not be OK. It’s OK to feel suffocated. It’s OK to see nothing but imperfections in front of you. You are not strange or abnormal if you do. But it’s also OK to call on a friend. It’s OK to be imperfect. It’s OK if things don’t go as you plan, there is always a tomorrow. It’s OK to step outside and breathe a little; you are NEVER locked in. You can find peace, there is a hope and you won’t always feel this way. I promise.