I’m writing this post with Andra Day playing in the background. It’s the end of another week and the beginning of another month. The calendar just keeps repeating itself year after year, same seven days a week, the same twelve months a year. Yet, every year is so different, every week as unique as the one before was and the next will be, every minute and every second, each its own. No matter how old or how young we might be, we will never be fully prepared for tomorrow. The anticipation of the future is one of the scariest things ever. I understand why so many people urge you to focus on the here and the now. The ghosts of the past and the threats of the future are the two biggest fears a person will have to deal with.They’re both so threatening and strangely powerful, yet completely untouchable. You can’t change the past no matter how often you revisit it and you can’t control the future, no matter how carefully you plan. I’m sorry if this post sounds a lot darker than it should, I didn’t intend on that happening. It’s the truth though. Denial just pushes a problem further behind but doesn’t get rid of it. The moment you accept it, the better it is for you. The reason for this entire page of random babbling is I have these things in the future that I have to deal with and the time is drawing near…really near. I can’t run from it, I’ve tried. And I know if I avoid it or give up, I’d never forgive myself. These changes have me very nostalgic. I’ll admit it, I’m scared but I mean, who isn’t scared of change? My mind has been a battlefield this week. But the mental war hasn’t solved anything yet and is most definitely nothing compared to the real thing. Even though some of these changes aren’t strange, they’re actually very familiar, it’s like going through it for the first time all over again. No matter how many January’s you face, each January is a new one like you’ve never experienced before. Same with life. Every death and new life, every heartbreak and heart-throb. They’re all new things each and every time. And as scary and sometimes depressing as that may be, it’s what makes life beautiful. Yea sometimes I wish I couldn’t feel the pain that comes with every person I’ve lost and that it could be easier but there’s no one in my life that I’d want to miss less when they’re gone; who doesn’t deserve to be grieved less than another person. And I would never want to give up that rush of happiness from a first kiss… And trust me, if you knew me, you’d know for me to say this, I must know damn well what I’m talking about. I’m pro try to lock away feelings and shut myself up. But that’s an issue for another time. What I’m saying is it’s the pain and the happiness that makes life beautiful; the dark and bright colours. It’s the chance to close your eyes and see a beautiful painting or hear a song again for the first time and experience it like never before that makes every single day a new adventure. I mean, who would really want to live till sixty if you felt everything you could have by 25?


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