Remember that noise I spoke about? The constant irking one that just goes on and on in your head… The one that makes you turn off everything just for some piece and quiet. Any little sound could trigger a rush of emotions and sometimes it’s the same emotion while other times, it’s a series. A smile that curves into a frown that boils into anger. I wish this post could be me telling you how to deal with it. I can’t. I’m just 21. There are too many things I’m still figuring out and this is one of them.
- What causes the noise? Where does it come from?
- Can I stop it? Or soothe it in any way?
- Should I just wait it out and it’ll go away?
- What’s worse? The irritating noise or the deafening silence?
No. There are no answers to that list of questions. I mean, if you have some, feel free to share. That list is a list of questions I ask myself, although not so well structured or um, censored. Most times I wait it out. I try to force myself to sleep and hope by morning…or some hours later, it goes away. Or I find a song and play it on repeat and let whatever emotions must come, come and pass through me. Whether the silence is worse or the noise, that I most definitely do not know. Both have a way of just draining you. Completely dry, and making you entirely vulnerable; a feeling I do NOT like AT ALL.
This may very well be my most random blog post ever, but maybe this random and pointless post might help someone out there know they’re not alone. At 12:38 AM, on the 4th of September, I am sitting at my laptop typing away in absolute silence, trying to rid my head of this braying noise that’s making my ears pulse, and maybe there’s someone out there just like me whose at the point of screaming “MAKE IT STOP!!” I don’t know how to help you, trust me if I did, I’d help myself. But what I do know is, you’re not alone. Just remember that okay? We’ll get through this together