Lemonade

Life throws curveballs, life throws grenades

Life gives you lemons, it’s all just the same

It’s all what you do with it, it’s on you to dodge it, yes all that’s true

But don’t put yourself down if one of those curveballs actually gets to you

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been knocked down once, twice or seventeen times

It doesn’t matter if you’ve gotten it wrong more than you’ve gotten it right

Who really is keeping score anyway? Is there nothing better for them to do?

If they must keep score, let them keep score of how many times you’ve battled through

The time you lost your legs and dragged your body across the finish line, the time you ran with the ball an entire quarter mile

The time you squeezed those lemons, every single one, with your bare hands because life didn’t give you a juicer like the rest, but expected you to be as good as the best

The time your will and hope were shattered in the cross fire, but blinded, you kept searching for that silver lining

The time your enemies all sat front row, placing bets with the ones you loved to see how long you’d last, and you still kept on smiling

I call bs on the whole “life doesn’t give you more than you can handle”

You could never know your own strength if you’ve been lifting weights you could only handle

You only know your strength when you push your limit,

When you pick up the dumbbell that you expect after 5 pumps, you’d be quitting

And yea, maybe the first 3 times you might only make it to 5

But I’m holding my breath for the fourth time

For the time I push pass the barrier line

I get up for the eighteenth time

Because life isn’t easy, and whoever said so is doing it wrong

Behind every great success is at least one failure, and at least one fall

Advertisements

Teaser

This is a sample of a piece I’ve been working on. Turns out, someone telling you you ain’t shit and you’ve basically done nothing to be proud of, is a really good motivator.

Hope you enjoy

Liar liar

Today someone told me I wasn’t good enough

Told me that my accomplishments weren’t anything above average; nothing to brag about; nothing to celebrate; nothing I should consider as an accomplishment

Today I cried cause I believed them

I believed that when you slip, there’s no way to recover. That life and everyone in it will only see the slip; that the slip is the only thing worth mentioning because the slip defined who I am

Today I had some few good friends tell me that those people don’t know shit

That I shouldn’t listen to them because why believe the lies someone else tries to feed you; believe your own truth and most importantly your own worth

Today I learnt that only little people hold your shortcomings against you

That not everyone would see you for your failure, but a lot of people would see you for how you bounced back and those are the people you should listen to

Today wasn’t a good day, but I grew

I learnt to take positive criticism with a pinch of salt, and negative criticism straight out to the trash

I learnt that some people expect perfection from everyone else, and that’s a sad and bitter way to live, because perfection isn’t human

I learnt that not everyone sees you the way negative people do; they’re just louder than anyone else but they always say empty vessels make the loudest noise. I know most people associate that with those who are hungry, but perhaps it also means those who are unhappy

I learnt my own worth, which I struggle every day to do, but with a good few next to me, I think I might actually stand strong someday… somehow

Today someone told me I wasn’t good enough, and I laugh

Because, who gives a rat’s ass

Speak

A faint thud

A heavy drop

I can feel my heart throbbing in my throat but I wouldn’t speak

The pounding is increasing

The bass has my trachea vibrating

And the discomfort is more that I can bear, but I won’t speak

The tears are welling

My eyes are burning

Blood vessels have flushed my entire face but I refuse to speak

A piercing ring

Higher than a C note, I cringe

My ears might just bleed, but I can’t speak

My mind is set on flashback

Memories zooming on a racetrack

I can feel my tongue curl back but how can I speak

I’ve survived this far, with all my truths

Is there a point of saying #MeToo

There’s no retraction, just permanent disruption, can I really, after all this time, just speak

I just spent an hour crying

I just spent an hour crying, feeling like I wasn’t enough

Don’t believe me? I just pulled my tissue out from the folds of a blanket, still quite damp

I broke down as my perspective of reality started to sink in

No matter how hard I try to be optimistic, my pessimism is spilling at the brim

I feel like I wanna scream, throw the biggest damn fit of my entire life

My fingers are trembling as they linger over contacts of friends to call over and tell them bring a bottle of wine

You pray and you pray

And I know because I’ve prayed and prayed

For life to just fast forward to the happy part of the movie

To the time in the movie where the solutions are found and everything is as it should be

Ironically, this part of the movie tends to be before the credits roll

So maybe there’s something in that little tidbit to learn

I wish I could summarize this little piece, simmer it down to some life lesson or a conclusion about days getting better

But I just spent an hour crying, so excuse me if I’m a bit too bitter

Mind games

There are nights when your mind wanders

Wanders to places that you wouldn’t even go

And you get so frustrated because you’re trying to stop it, trying to reject the impulse

But it goes…

Do not hate yourself for your insecurities, do not punish yourself for your faults and fears

Too many times, we become so irritated, so annoyed because of the games that our minds start to play on us that we blame ourselves for it

The only fault you’re at is if you don’t try to be better, you don’t try to restore your mental health

You are not at fault for the state your mind is in. You are a victim to your thoughts, don’t be so suppressed into thinking that you willed this upon yourself. You know you didn’t…

You know that you would give up anything for peace and serenity but enough shit has happened for you to know that peace and serenity isn’t easy to come by

You have to fight, pray, believe, struggle all the time. Don’t let your mind fool you into thinking there’s something wrong with you for feeling the things you feel. You didn’t call it upon yourself, you didn’t ask for these thoughts to intrude your mind.

Anger and self-hate are not going to make it better. Those things feed the dark parts of your mind. Love yourself. Love yourself. I can’t say this enough. Love yourself. Love is what’s going to shed light from the tightest corner to the deepest abyss. Love will illuminate and awaken the soul. It will cast out the darkness to make you feel whole again. Don’t hate yourself for the tricks your mind plays, but love yourself till you gain control again

Letter to my parents

I wish you could understand that I just want the best for you

I want you to be happy, to be free

I want you to live long, but I think that one’s selfishly for me

I want you to see your dreams unfold before your eyes and to know you weren’t just a wishful thinker every time you fantasized 

To know that a better life does exist and it’s right there within your grip

I want to pay you back for all those long nights and early mornings

For every time you scraped your wallet

I want to give you the fruits of every sacrifice you made to make every candle blown out with a birthday wish come true

I want to give you the world that you surrendered so that I can have the universe too

I want to illuminate the light within your eyes

I just want you to be happy the way you’ve made me happy time after time

Out of all the things you’ve ever given me, just this chance is all I really need