13 Reasons Why- IMO

Today I read an article on thoughtcatalog.com called “Other People Aren’t Responsible For Your Mental Health: Why ’13 Reasons Why’ is pretty much bullsh*t”. Obviously, after reading that article, I had a rant. Here is my rant:

This article clearly shows that the writer does not understand the plot or anything about the show. She said “as someone who has had depression” but just because you were able to work through your depression doesn’t mean another can. Also, yes other people aren’t responsible for your mental health, it is true. But, bullying is a serious offense and even for someone who isn’t mentally ill, there is so much you can take. In fact, many kids with no history of mental illness fall into a depression through excessive bullying which she clearly was a victim of. Saying other people aren’t responsible for how another person feels is just a poor excuse to rid yourself of any responsibility. You don’t get to decide what hurts another person and what doesn’t. Either be kind, or be unkind. Don’t try to grey line it. Loneliness is a killer and not everyone out here is a “loner”. Some people need a shoulder to cry on because they have reached to the point that they are too weak to cry on their own, and to be constantly disappointed by humanity must be horrible. I have been bullied before, and I had no history of mental illness but I can tell you that I have suffered tremendously later on and it was the comfort of friends and family that saved me and still saves me every time I enter a depressive state. And on some days, I would admit that even having love and support doesn’t feel like enough, so much less for someone who feels isolated with evidence surrounding them that the feeling of isolation is very much real, that they are alone. And if you paid close attention to the show and don’t watch with the constant “that’s silly, that’s stupid” mindset, you would hear hints about her being previously bullied. It was actually blatantly stated by the father. To move from being bullied into actually trusting someone again, to then have every single person deceive your trust over and over isn’t easy for a person. It’s like a person who is abused and finally trusts someone else and is again abused. Do you think the abuse comes easier? NO. And you wouldn’t publish an article like this about a show where someone who was abused kill themselves right? Saying that “Other People Aren’t Responsible For Your Mental Health”, you shouldn’t expect other people to save you, you should be stronger than your abuse. You wouldn’t tell a person being abused that they shouldn’t go depending on someone to not abuse them the same way this article critiques the character Hannah Baker saying she shouldn’t expect someone else to save her. No you wouldn’t, because “abuse is more serious than bullying”. NEWSFLASH: bullying is abuse, it just has a prettier name. This article is an example of what the show is trying to say. This article sounds just like Courtney when she kept saying “it wasn’t anyone’s fault”. No. Your actions have effects. It’s scientific. Look it up. Take some responsibility for your life and your actions. If someone doesn’t know you had your appendix removed and have stitches on and punches you, is it your fault cause “they don’t know about your issue and they’re not at fault because you’re the one who has stitches”. NOOO. THEY ARE WRONG BECAUSE THEY SHOULDN’T PUNCH YOU. And you shouldn’t have to say “I have stitches. That is why you shouldn’t punch me”, the same way the show didn’t have to go into details about her having a mental illness or not. No matter how stable or unstable a person’s mental health, there is no excuse for bullying. And every bully is responsible for the toll their actions took on another person.

 

I’ve been on both sides. I’ve been bullied and I’ve bullied. I’ll confess. I spent 12 years of my life in a convent and girls are mean and brutal. I’ve been the victim of abuse more than once. And I’ve made my share of jokes that I know were cruel. And nothing saddens me more than this article. To think that despite a show surrounding how people’s actions, however little or petty it may seem, affects another person more than you know still has reviews like this where people are saying “nah, it’s mostly on you”…No, it’s not. I’ve gotten up many days and said that I’m not gonna be broken today. I will be braver. Nothing anyone says or does is gonna hurt me. And on those same days, I’d come home feeling like utter shit, crying myself to sleep. I was never diagnosed with any mental illness and I’m pretty sure at 5 I didn’t know what depression was. But I did know what it meant to be hurt when a classmate I trusted broke my trust. When she said hurtful and mean things about me. At the age of 6, I had my first rumour. 6! Was I responsible then? No one asks to have a mental illness, but no one tells you that you have to be unkind. People with mental illnesses don’t have a choice; they have to fight to rise above it. People who are cruel willingly stoop to that level. I know. I have stooped before.

Don’t wait till someone gets suicidal. If one person had just been kind. That was it. That was all the show was saying. Be kind. No big job or committment so I don’t even know why there is an article shunning away responsibility. You’re quicker asking a person with mental illness “hey, don’t be so sensitive; don’t take on anyone; solve your own problems and don’t look for anyone else to help you out” but don’t want to tell the other person “hey, just be kind”?…

Think about it…

Unknown

Nothing’s scarier than the jump, the fall, the leap, the step…whatever you want to call it. Nothing is scarier than the risk, than the chance. It’s the unknown. It scares you so much to the point where you’re afraid to move; you’re frozen. We panic when we don’t know. Waiting to find out how you did after an exam feels worse than knowing your result, bad or good. Swimming with your eyes open feels so much better than diving and not knowing how deep you’re going or how far you’ve reached. You’re more in control if you know. We’re afraid of the future because we don’t know what it holds. We tend to envy those who have an idea or a plan. Those who know. Those who are in control. But someone told me this week that just because someone has a plan, doesn’t mean they’re happy. The unknown is scary but maybe it’s not a bad fear. Maybe it’s nice to have a clean page and a pencil. You can sketch and draw whatever you like. Perhaps it might be scarier to stare at a charcoal covered piece of paper, praying to find some room to move, to step, to leap, to jump. It’s scary yes to not know what is your next move or where will the next step in your journey take you, whatever that step may be, but it must be horrifying to have your life so figured out that you can’t make a step different, that you become stuck. So when you feel a little down because everyone around seems to have it all figured out, just remember that that doesn’t guarantee that they will be happy later down the road and you will be miserable. You might be a little late to the party, but you’ll reach; you’re just at another party right now: the unknown.

A Frank Ocean kinda night

“Do you not think so far ahead? Cause I’ve been thinking about forever”….

An Ocean of thoughts flood my mind as I lie here wrapped up in your arms

And if I’m being Frank with you, I’ll tell you right now that I don’t think it could get any better

Than this, than this moment. I want to think that we’ve peaked but somehow

with every breath and every second that passes I feel as though we’re climbing, and rising;

Soaring higher than cloud nine

I wonder if you’re thinking about me too

If you’re wondering if I’m cute

Is your mind dazing off on some lyric from some R&B song that perfectly describes in every sentence where we are right now, me and you

Almost as though it was written for us, made for this moment

A song that could never be tired, never get old

One that resides in my soul and in my spirit

I close my eyes as an instrumental takes me away, but I’m still thinking ’bout you

….Do you think about me still?

 

Inspired by Frank Ocean’s “Thinking Bout You”

Don’t play with her

There’s a feeling that encapsulates your core when you’re distracted

It creeps up behind you and before you know it,

Boo! Your heart is pulsing; racing

Emotions are flooding your head;

Your veins; your blood absorbing the darkest of your fears

Your secrets, your nightmares

You breathe while you still have breath,

It’s more of a gasp

You cling, you clutch to the safest, soundest hope

Something to silence the chaos taking over your soul

You can feel the seams tearing

As ancient and modern wounds reopen

You squeeze them together, as your hands try to imitate glue

Blood seeping through the spaces of your fingers

But it shouldn’t be blood

No, that’s the space for magic, for love, for you

Every moment increases the pain, the suspicion

Tick. Tock.

The clock hands make a full cycle back in time

Where a vulnerable girl became a broken girl with broken hopes,

Broken dreams, broken trust

She breathes. And breathes.

She closes her eyes to the torment brewing inside

The storm is suddenly abated

She won this round

She resumes her daily activity, as though never interrupted

And you, you remain in the dark, unaware of yet another secret, another battle, another day…

 

Waiting…

Drive me mad

Drive me insane

Send me out of my mind

Make me cling to every little detail,

Searching every word for some hint, some clue,

Some explanation for the madness in my head

Prove me wrong

Prove me right

Just please don’t leave me in a limbo

Searching for some balance, something steady

Something real, something to make the madness end

Let me go

Make me stay

Do something, anything

Don’t leave me searching for answers you don’t intend on revealing

Don’t have me stranded in this abyss,

Struck down by insanity, crippled by confusion

Don’t leave me with this madness in my head

Letter to the Lovers

Don’t let her mind wander

Yes I know, she always makes up these crazy scenarios and you’re tired of having to convince her over and over again that those scenarios are the furthest thing from reality and you’ll never hurt her. But these scenarios aren’t just because she thinks you’ll hurt her. Maybe she knows in her heart, deep down, you won’t. But there was a time she felt that way about another; maybe more than just another. And he tore and ripped and bruised and spat on and crushed and ruined every ounce of trust and love; he betrayed her so much that these scenarios are her way of being more prepared for the hurt that her mind keeps telling her will inevitably come again, that her heart is saying “girl don’t be fooled like the last time; if you were more careful the last time, maybe you and I wouldn’t have been broken”. I know you think it’s not your fault and you’re right. It’s not your fault sweetheart, but she’s your girl. She’s your love, she’s your life and if you love her and wanna treat her right you’ll wipe away every tear and try your best to keep that smile. She knows that you won’t hurt her but she’s scared. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that what’s maybe far-fetched and delusional to you is something that can be so real for her? Can’t you see the terror in her eyes because she doesn’t know how well she can survive another stab, another shot in the dark? Can’t you see she’s cowering behind this tough image when all she wants to do is know that she’s safe with you? You see every time you let her mind race off to that dark place, that unknown place, she’s gonna scare herself to the point of running, scare herself to the point of hiding and waiting for the betrayal. If you want her to feel secure again, you have to prove to her that you’re not like those other idiot boys who pretended to be big men all the while playing childish games with her vulnerable and caring heart. You have to hold her in your arms and caress her with truths that will show her that those from the past don’t define her future; that there was nothing wrong with her, that she doesn’t turn them all into vicious monsters, that she is loved and can be loved and will be loved and only villains¬†will take evil and coat it in affection. You have to comfort her so that she knows that what she has with you is real, and worthy of her trust and love. You have to make her feel like she can tear down those walls and loosen the chains that she bound herself in. It might take many nights of saying the same thing over again, but one day it’ll stick, and when it does, it’ll be worth it to see her love unfold to its truest potential, to see the magnificent wings of her love emerge and soar..

Anxiety

What it’s like having anxiety. Most people don’t realise they suffer from anxiety. Anxiety takes all forms, but despite the forms it takes it’s all dark.

It lurks with one purpose and one purpose only: to squeeze you so tight into a corner, your lungs are scraping for air. It holds you with a grasp so cold. Anything can be a trigger, depending on your insecurities and your fears. You can wake up in the middle of the night in a panic and one slightly off thing can send you into a fit of screaming, crying, rocking, panicking, shaking…

A lot of people who have to deal with those who have anxiety think it’s tough. But it’s tougher when you’re dealing with anxiety itself than if you’re dealing with an anxious person. You can’t go into another room or hang up the call or put your phone on silent to catch a breath. You can’t close your eyes and go to sleep so for a couple of hours you don’t have to deal with it. There is no escape like that for people suffering with anxiety. You close your eyes, it’s there. You open your eyes, it’s there. The only option people like that have is to fight it. To rise above it. People with anxiety can’t run away from it. It follows them. It follows us.

So the next time you’re getting impatient with someone who is being overly anxious or paranoid, remember that they’re suffering even more than you. And instead of losing your cool or just ignoring them, help them… it’s easier to fight a battle when you know you’re not fighting alone.