TBH

So tonight I decided I’ll get up close and personal with you. I’ll talk to you about me. Just like most girls, I’ve struggled with my appearance. Just this week, I broke down and admitted to my s/o that I don’t like aspects of myself and I haven’t been comfortable in my skin for a long time. I’ve had so many people come up and tell me I radiate confidence… my problem was, and is, that I don’t absorb it. I told him that it’s frustrating to be the type of girl with a personality that’s okay with not getting dressed up if I don’t feel like it and wearing whatever without focusing on the little punch I may have when I relax instead of suck in, in a world that pressures me to wax on time and wear clothes that don’t show my little belly, make sure my hair is neat and my nails are done. It was never an issue where I wasn’t happy within my own skin but rather feeling punished for not always wanting to be prim, trim and proper. I’m still struggling and everyday I try to put on that confidence and step out. It’s hard when you’re out there minding your own business and someone, not even a stranger but someone you know, comments negatively on something you didn’t even notice. And then, you lose your confidence as now your focus is drawn to that thing that was invisible to you all the time before but apparently is a problem if someone had to mention it. Yes I know what you’re thinking and saying. People will always comment. Don’t let them dictate your pace. Be your own person. It’s harder done than said. A lot of people gain insecurities because of these endless comments and teases and remarks. You could have been a confident, don’t give a damn person, and deep down maybe you still are, but someone or some people just kept bringing up the same sh*t over and over that soon you start questioning it, then believing it. I know I’m gonna be giving advice that I don’t yet know how to take, but maybe that’ll be some encouragement cause we’re both going on this journey together. Please don’t listen to them. Learn to filter out helpful advice that will benefit YOU from personal opinion that you don’t really need to listen to. Love your skin and improve on yourself not out of revenge for someone who screwed you over or to impress anyone. Upgrade because you owe it to yourself to always be the best version of yourself. Embrace who you are both inside and out, with makeup and without makeup, after abs class and after a buffet. If you want to make a little change, do it because YOU want to. Sit down. Think it over and over and over. And if this change you want to make is for your benefit, then by all means. Love yourself from the moment you wake up to the moment you get all glammed up for a night out, and even when you come home and strip it all off again. People will talk, and they aren’t going to be all haters. Be a filter and know what you need and what isn’t for you. Small minded people can only see things through a peephole but who you are, your insides and out, your beauty and strength cannot be minimized. Pity those people who esteem beauty as one specific way; there’s a whole world of beauty they will never see. At the end of the day, it is important to know that you cannot be truly happy until you learn to love yourself… let’s now go try and be happy 💕

Perfumed woman

She is a breath of fresh air

Yet intoxicating at the same time

She’s good for you in that one whiff of her would clear your senses; you can breathe freely. You can smell the beauty in daisies and the wonder of life

But she’s addictive. Once you’ve experienced her, once you’ve gotten that taste, it’ll never leave your mouth, your soul… your mind

She’s not for the weak. No. She’s for the strong, the mighty, those capable of enduring her power and strength. 

She’s not meant to be suppressed

She’s meant to be enhanced, empowered. Not used for her gifts but admired for the magic within

She cannot be compared to a rose or any common sweet smelling fragrance for she is more divine and more unique

She is the kind of fragrance that lingers and stains every memory, every dream

Natural Love

Look at me. Stare deep into my eyes.

Don’t break your gaze.

Look at me and tell me that you don’t feel the moon drawing nearer and the stars ablaze

In your heart as the darkness inside of you, the darkness you knew, the darkness you grew as a defense

Fades away as a sparkle, a glimmer grows into a roaring flame,

Consuming with remorse every trickle of pain

Tell me you don’t feel gravity failing as you begin to rise effortlessly

Like a balloon floating away past the skies unto infinity

Look into my eyes, stare into my soul. Open your heart and be true to the panic inside of you 

The uprising of emotions that you thought were long gone, that you believed you could not feel anymore

Until that moment our friendship began, and you let me into your life and unconsciously into your soul

Tell me you don’t feel the same way, tell me that the story hidden in your eyes is a fairytale…

But you can’t tell me, because as we stand here and you look into my eyes and lock my gaze…

Everything has changed

Jewelry box

You know those knots your jewelry gets every now and then cause it’s been put down haphazardly in a box

You know the weird satisfaction you get when you finally untangle it because you were trying so desperately for about five minutes, being careful not to end up ruining your favourite necklace 

And then you put it on and you completely forget in less then 30 seconds how tangled up that chain was and every single time you nearly put it back in the box because you were frustrated or you figured it was time to count your losses cause you were never gonna get it loose

In life you risk the chance of coming across these special types of bonds, similar to you and your necklace that you refused to give up on

And if you’re lucky enough, you meet people who sit and sit and stand and sit, trying to untangle you and who refuse to put you back in the box

Despite how often your links jam or twist like they’re about to snap; regardless of the million times one unraveling led to a hundred more knots and much tighter ones too; they just don’t put you down 

And sometimes, you come across necklaces of your own, maybe a precious bracelet and you’re faced with the choice of switching it out for another maybe not as great piece of jewelry but at least one with no knots, or sitting and sitting and standing and sitting trying to loosen the knots because you think this piece of jewelry deserves its day in the sun

Sometimes you might be a necklace, with knots of your own, alongside other pieces of jewelry all tied up and knotted up, and all you can do is be there for them because you’re both in the same mess but it’s better to have a friend than to withstand anything alone

Regardless of the scenario, it’s key to note that whether you’re the one being untangled, the one doing the untangling or the friend patiently waiting with your equally knotted up friend for your moment of freedom, we all have a part to play in every single scenario. We’re all important to each other and we all need each other to get our knots out so that we can all be the precious jewels we are

Better than a Bra

Nothing’s better than knowing that someone out there has your back come hell or high water. That someone is actually willing to be your ride or die and it’s not just according to a hashtag under a birthday picture. No. Someone out there who will, when you call, rush directly to your side as soon as they can, put aside their things to help you and be there for you. If your partner isn’t giving you more support than your everyday, wear till it starts itching you, bra then what’s the use of putting your heart in the hands of someone you’re not sure you can trust with your life. And if it’s a constant question in the back of your mind whether your friends have your back, then what’s the use surrounding yourself with those people. And please save me the speech about oh you shouldn’t be friends with someone because of what they can do for you. Why not? Why do I want to be friends with people who add nothing to my life? Who just take up space in my contact list, and unnecessary space too because when I’m in trouble they are not in my top twenty of people to call? People need people. And I want to be the kind of person that someone can rely on and I want to be surrounded by people who encourage that sort of behaviour in me. People who feed my energy, not feed off of it. People who give and not drain and I too give back and not drain. This is how healthy relationships should be. Relationships are give AND take and often we are too consumed with one or the other. I want to spend the rest of my life with people who I can count on, people who will support me and we will support each other. I want to say my vows to someone who believes every word of it cause I know I sure as hell would. I want relationships that are so much better than a bra.

Stuck

I’m tired; Tired of the excuses,

Of the running around,

Of the me yelling before you realize something is wrong

And then you come

Bearing gifts and apologies, Words better than a love song

And I melt into a puddle, so damn gullible

Taking sweet words and sweet nothings

Like sweet dreams, making somethings out of nothings

I’m tired of the merry-go-round

Two tops in mud, spinning one place

Never moving, never progressing

Just…stuck

There she goes 

She walks but there’s no thunder to her footsteps

There’s no loud bang, no echo… not what you’ll expect huh

You expect thunder and fireworks

Lightning flashing across the sky

But instead when she walks

You get goosebumps instead of earthquakes

Instead of thunder rolling, you feel a calm wind blowing

It’s quite soothing, calming, breathtaking 

She walks and you don’t hear a thing 

No noise

Without a single sound, she gentle cracks the ground upon which she walks

Breaking the obstacles in her way so peacefully

With a serenity that overtakes every passerby along her journey

She walks, deafening you as she drifts like a feather down the soft trickle of a stream 

And you feel every single step